Tuesday, September 2, 2008
many people went back to mcs the other day
how i miss the times we had together
we had a small class gathering at 6f`07classroom
we were making noise like how we did last time
tracy was telling me that the noise brought her back to the past
and i was telling her, me too
all the memories just came back to me
i really hope i was still in mcs with all my close friends
and be like last time that we can chat till tears roll down our cheeks uncontrollably
talking about how we feel about each other
and how we wanted to hate and dun friend each other
so as to not miss each other when we leave
still remember all the childish times when i say i dun want to get hurt
and stop friend-ing that someone important to me
that true friend i tot i was looking for when she is already there...
now we might no longer be close friends
but still, i want to thank her for being there for me when i needed her the most
the time when i am so depress due to some stupid reason
if she wasn't there with me, i might not have past that period of time so easily
might not past it without really being hurt
or i shall say being alive and passing it all
many things happened the past few days
the huge argument between me and my auntie uncle
it all started with a small misunderstanding
but the argument just went big
not because i want it but it reminded me of the hatred for her
i am being reminded of the unhappy past
for the past few months
we started getting close to each other
i can feel that our relationship deepening, we are getting close.
but the incident happened at the wrong time.
the hole went much more deeper
i actually screamed at her the reasons why i hated her so much
the incident happened when choosing sec school
the thousands times they are being unreasonable to me and my bro
the times when they say that i can NEVER be better than their son
and the thousands and millions things they did that disgusted me
i screamed them all out
they understood how i feel, according to what they say
they promised they will treat us better
but sad to say
the wounds will be there forever
it can't heal in a day
i think i will never be able to bury the hatred for them...
maybe i will next time
but at least, not for now
i feel like quitting co
i find it very pressurizing
the instructor wanted us to take the grade3 exam.
i only came in touch with dizi about 2 months ago
and i am already taking the grade3 exam
thinking too highly of myself? maybe
the exam is at the end of this year
that is still time for me to learn and improve on
i am afraid i can't do it
or i shall say, i know i can't do it.
i am trying hard to play well, but i can't
i find myself very useless and stupid
maybe i am asking too much from myself
maybe i am giving myself too much pressure
maybe i am trying to reach goals that i can never reach
i dun know, i find it stressful to continue playing dizi...
11:40:00 PM <3
